BioWare, what a bunch of retards eh?

They got it wrong. SO wrong. Do I have to explain this again? JE-SUS.

Logic

The following conversation took place on a southwest train service from London Waterloo to Guilford between the two awesome personas of Robert Tatnell (more known as the infamous sparkly-FX-man on Fable 3, Mistaaah Spaahkoooh) and Maddy (who also goes under the name of Sir Cakealot, van der Posht, and occasionally just Madeleine).


Maddy - Maria is going to China soon... God. China!! You know, I AM going to visit her. I just have to. I saw pictures of her flat and it really looks amazing... And I checked out tickets, not too expensive if you book in advance.
Rob - Yeah? I thought her flat would be super small considering the amount of people in Shanghai.
Maddy - No it’s huge! I mean its got a dining room. A DINING room.
Rob - Meeeh!
Maddy - You should come with me. I'm going for a week and she'll be working during daytime....
Rob - Meeeh.
Maddy - I can't run around in Shanghai all alone!!! Or I can, but you know.... it would be so much fun if you'd come too!
Rob - Meeeeh... meeh. Need to save up money now I'm... FTE... *sincere look, rubbing it in*
Maddy - Yes yes but just THINK! You... me.... roaming the streets of China.... doing mischief...
Rob - Mischief. Like what?
Maddy - Well I don’t know... Maybe stealing things!!? Yeah, stealing things.
Rob - Meeeh, NOT sure stealing things is a good idea in communist China. Prison isn’t that great I heard...
Maddy - Oh. I don’t really steal things. I would never REALLY steal things. Except flowers. I only steal flowers, that’s about the only thing I've ever stolen, is flowers.
Rob - Ok, so we will run around Shanghai stealing flowers... but what do we do with them? Do we bring them back to England?
Maddy - Yes! ...yes.
Rob - I doubt you'd get them through security check on the airport...
Maddy - Maybe we could run from the guards?
Rob - ...We'd have to eat the flowers to get them through the security check I think...
Maddy - Yeah. Well run from the security guards and if they're starting to catch up we'll just eat the flowers. We'll go "..TRY STOP ME NOW MWOAHAHAAHA..." Because clearly they can’t stop us. We will get the flowers to England.
Rob - Yeah!
Andrzej - *silence*

Privileged

I am. I have the best friends in the world. Yes, tis a fact. They are creative, talented, kind, awesome, funny, beautiful people (and no Jowadi I'm not just talking about you). If I wasn't atheist I'd say I was blessed.
Maria is leaving the cold, grey and empty comfort of London and England for the colourful, crowded, spitting, elbowing country of CHINA! I am so happy and excited for her, but... that means she's leaving me! Oh dear. If the pain is unbearable I might have to go and bring her back. She drew me this amazing picture of me when working on her showreel. You see? My friends ARE the best. Thank you Maria, this made my day!

Oh and before I go, I must send out a warning to China. Be warned China, with Maria comes her friends and me and Mr. Sparkle (Chinese translation: Miiistaaaah Spaaahkooooh) are on our way.

Guildford life, in the fast lane

Saturday. The Legion. Yes. We actually managed to get drunk enough to think The Legion was a good idea. It doesn’t make any sense to me. It was a normal Saturday, started off by doing a couple of hours at work. Around six, as my mind slowly drifted away from animation curves and graphs to rum and music, Jowadi and I went by Tesco and bought the modest amount of Captain Morgan Rum we usually do. Only one bottle each. It's a sensible thing really as there are two of us. Sensible. Really it is! It must have been the others joining in later at ours. Yes. It's their fault. To be honest I kinda think its mostly Bryn and Aimee's fault as the cake hat always brings out the worst in people. Its like a curse.
I learned two things from last time we thought The Legion was a good idea. There is a queue, a long one considering its The Legion and not somewhere where people actually choose to go rather than simply ending up there because they're too drunk to know any better. Then I learned that The Legion is NOT the same thing as The Royal British Legion. Oli told me as much a couple weeks ago, but I just didn’t want to listen. Not that I knew what The Royal British Legion was anyway, but it had a better ring to it. At least this time I didn’t stand waving my arms to the sky screaming "Let's go! I want to join the Royal British Legion!!". And I did get a good collection of heads in my bag. DJs heads, bartenders heads, random peoples heads. Good times.

The "Bag Rape" pose. My new Fav.

See what I mean?

"When a man is tired of Sevenoaks he is tired of life"

One week ago the Dinner Club: for people who like to eat (people) assembled in Sevenoaks at Rob's mansion for the much anticipated "Session Two". Though in somewhat smaller numbers, since Maria and Johannes couldn't make it, the members made an excellent attempt to exceed in alcohol and food consumption. Just like Session One we didn't manage to actually devour any people but this time an excellent spicy udon king prawn stir fry. Rob would not allow Haku and Mei to join in on the feast but as he felt particularly generous and humble this day he treated them to some Tesco quality cat food. Happy days. To repay this magnanimous deed they devoted the majority of their night and early morning to secret ninja attacks on our bedroom doors.

 Kitten in my bag.

Catman... dadadadadadadadaaa CATMAAAAN... Ive been plotting to make him a suit. It is going to be magnificent!

Its just deep. So incredibly deep.

I'm always amazed how they manage to design these signs to deliver a message that's just universally clear and understandable. Its like art.. I just can't get my head around it. It must be an innate talent that some lucky people just posses.

1. Don't pet the deer under the nose

2. Don't pet the deer ON the nose (or pinch their nose)

3. Don't dance infront of the deer

4. You may poke your dog with a stick in the neck

5. Do not barbeque the deer

6. There is a treasure chest on the gates between 10.15am to 6pm

When no one is around...

Epic

A couple of us people with good taste in music went to see Plaid, DMX krew and Luke Vibert this Saturday. Epic. Yes, even if everyone but me would fall under the category of "orutinerad" and almost slept on the dancefloor. Ok ok, they had been out for half a drink the night before. But really? Are we not grown ups? Are we not trained in the art of abusing our internal organs? Well I know I am. Anyways, despite having to take a taxi to Guildford (just to clarify, real men would stay up dancing all night then take the early train back. And yes, I think of myself as a real man) it was simply ACE. Nah, I didn’t get to offer Plaid my bag for their heads as was the plan, but I have a feeling the taxi would have been replaced by a police escort if I had jumped across the stage swinging my bag towards them. Also come to think of it I did spend most of my salary at Cybercandy at Covent Garden that same afternoon. My bag was so full of Japanese and American sweets (read artificial food colouring and stuff probably labelled as poison in higher concentration) that I doubt it could have fit even a small head anyway. But hey, I managed to get a one eyed Mikeymo's head in there. Not too bad.

Ehhr... I think it's called a "Whazoo". It said "artificial flavours" on it but I'm sure thats all lies. I ate one before I went to bed and had apocalyptic dreams of the universe unfolding. Yeah. Good stuff.

In a perfect world...

...Miss Hjort and I would enjoy endless amounts of hummus and Captain Morgan rum whilst listening to quality music. Word.

 

C'est moi!

According to Maria I aggressively force feed my friends with homemade tempura. She is spot on!

My Desk Family

The weekend of the Nuclear Fallout Cat

After work on Friday a couple of us Lionheads explored the shisha-place behind the station before the traditional "one pint". I have only two words for you, cherry tobacco. It simply is the best. It was however cold to sit outside despite blankets so after only one pipe we almost ran to the comfy warmth of the Drummond accidently stepping on Oli's longboard a couple of times in the process. At the Drummond not only did I find out that I have zombie fingers (always knew I'm not entirely human), I also -finally- found out what my superpowers are thanks to Rob. Yes many sleepless nights I have pondered on that very question, but no longer. Maybe one day the world will be ready and I'll make it official, but until then Barbeque Woman's identity will have to be a secret along with Sparkly Man and EatPoo Woman. I’m gonna have to make a suit now... oh well. After a lot of heads in bags, a blinking fairy light umbrella and a couple bottles of wine it was home to harass a sleeping Johannes. On Saturday lovely Maria Maria danced in from the big city spreading an aura of creativity and Tempura. "The Dinner Club - For People Who Like To Eat (people)" gathered on our black rug and ate until we couldn’t move. 1 bottle of Vodka and 3 bottles of Rum later 4 people ended up in a bath wearing feather boas and glasses. Beautiful. So Sunday then, that’s when the Nuclear Fallout Cat came to be. In the hands of Rob the finest little cat toy was crafted with precision and love! It was everything a nuclear fallout cat could ever wish to be, flesh wounds for a nose, melting eyes, yes it literally came apart in his hands! We also decided that Nuclear Fallout Cat is the name of our soon to be world-wide famous pop band. What a weekend eh!!